Wrath of the Titans

This week, we saw Wrath of the Titans. It's a sequel to Clash of the Titans, which we missed in theatres in 2010 because it came out a few months before The Mindless Movie Marathon was conceived. I'd like to say it's our first true sequel (because we caught it later on Blu-Ray), but I think both parts of The Deathly Hallows might count, especially when we watched them back to back (but not with the rest of our Harry Potter Marathon). We took Nadia with us, because she thought it would have a lot of action. Previews were a bit scattered, but included Prometheus, The Avengers, Dark Shadows, and The Raven.

Wrath has the bare bones of a really good plot. Break into Tartarus to free Zeus, then collect three weapons to stop Kronos. However, the actual movie seems like it's made by a committee, which was formed when people said "Clash of the Titans made money. Let's have a sequel" only no one could decide exactly what they should put in the sequel. So many lines were left unfinished, and set pieces were wedged in there like a kid trying to do a jigsaw puzzle, only getting fed up, jamming all the pieces in the wrong places, and going off to play video games.

Actually, this would have made an excellent video game. Probably for Link, if he wasn't busy saving Zelda all the time. It could have been a God of War clone, except it would have been exactly like God of War (only the gods in this one weren't as dickish. Well, maybe Ares. But when you're the God of War, you're probably big into war).

The movie starts of with Perseus being a good father, and Zeus not being a good father, brother, or ruler (for that matter). God Needs Prayer Badly, and all that. Hades has teemed up with Ares to free Kronos from Tartarus, because why not. I may have already mentioned this in my Immortals review, but in one interpretation, Tartarus is alive. So when someone ventures into its bowels, it could be taken literally. And when you eat Gods, that's got to be an interesting digestive process. Biggest bacteria ever!

Anyway, Ares and Hades trap Zeus to use his power for Kronos. Poseidon barely escapes, giving his trident to Perseus before he dies, and turns into a statue of sand, which blows away. Perseus then goes off to free Zeus and stop Hades, Ares, and Kronos.

This is a terrible, terrible movie. That's not to say I didn't like it, but if you go to see it, keep in mind that it's a terrible, terrible movie. It's in 3D, which enhances some special effects (mountains blowing up and raining debris around the viewers). It has the ingredients of awesomeness: Giant lava gods, lightning gods, huge Cyclopes, swords, armor, spears, Minotaurs, Sam Worthington, Rosamund Pike.

But it never manages to put it all together into a coherent movie. Things are kind of slapped together. The action may have been magnificent, but we couldn't really see it due to shaky-cam, smoke, and other budget-decreasing effects. There were some really cool computer-generated stuff, but it was mostly obscured.

This movie is a DVD movie for me. It’s lacks a lot, but there’s enough good action and effects to almost push into Blu-Ray territory. The bad parts really hold it back. There’s a heavy emphasis on family, which colors the already terrible language. Do you ever call your sibling Brother? Your kid Son? Or do you call them by their names or nicknames? But maybe that’s because you’re not part of the Greek Pantheon. Which is probably a good thing, because then your dad can’t banish you anywhere except your room.