Zombie Column: Star Trek: Into Darkness

It seems my movie-going habits have changed from well-scheduled summer months to sudden invites an hour ahead of time. Not that I mind, because a sudden invite to see Star Trek: Into Darkness is just the thing to perk my week up. It’s like a sudden invite out to a great restaurant when you were just planning on microwaving something at home. And the cook at that great restaurant was J.J. Abrams. Who in this analogy is a fantastic cook (okay, maybe my analogies need a little work).

So yes, I went to see Star Trek: Into Darkness last night, and it was awesome. In fact, it was so awesome I can’t even remember the trailers beforehand, because they were all overshadowed by the awesomeness thereafter. I can remember World War Z, which has great trailer music that I can’t seem to find anywhere. I think I recognize one part of it by Audiomachine, but I could be wrong, and then they use other songs that are just as awesome and just as unknown. Also, I pay way too much attention to music in trailers. Besides that, they showed the scene where people fly out of a hole in a plane. PLANE HOLES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. Especially at that altitude. This is one thing that movies consistently get wrong. Give plane makers a little credit here, people. Anyway, I suppose I should actually get started before I get completely sidetracked.

The movie itself opens (after some title screens) with Kirk and McCoy running through that red forest that you’ve seen in the trailer. And yes, it’s just as funny as the trailers, so that’s good. What’s not good is why Kirk’s doing that in the first place (SIDETRACK ALERT). Why would the captain of a ship go on an away mission? I know that it’s a time-honoured Star Trek tradition, but my gosh – it makes no sense. You don’t risk the most important people on trivial matters. In fact, you do your best not to risk them at all. Not that that’s a bad idea. Can you imagine how few wars there would be if heads of state had to go to the front lines every time they declared war? They’d learn how to settle things over a beer and a game of Mortal Kombat.

In Star Wars (and just for the record, I’m not a fan of comparing Trek and Wars), you don’t see General Dodonna up there piloting an X-wing against the Death Star – he lets the pilots do that. Not that it would have mattered. The Death Star was seconds away from obliterating the whole planet anyway. Later, they let a general lead a mission, but it was Han Solo, and I’m guessing it was a placating gesture before he went and killed himself on a suicide mission to take down the Death Star II’s shields from the forest moon of Endor. Lando was given a general-ship, but I think that was based on piloting merit, or the need to have him be the one to give orders to the rest of the star fighters. The one in actual command was Admiral Ackbar, sitting safely in the Home One (flagship of that particular alliance fleet), only the fully operational Death Star laser forced him to engage the enemy directly. So yeah, Star Wars does this better.

So … back to the movie. Kirk gets in trouble, because he’s Kirk. Before he can really be punished at all (because again, he’s Kirk), Benedict Cumberbatch shows up to be evil. Has there ever been a more perfectly British name than Benedict Cumberbatch? Quick, someone give him a title so he can be Lord Benedict Cumberbatch. He needs to name his kid Thornwood just to keep the theme going. Anyway, he shows up to be evil, and then the movie adds some twists, with callbacks to previous movies and TV shows, only with a little twist. Like having a different character in the callback. In the new version, Spock and Uhura are dating, but it was Kirk and Uhura in the original who kissed (TANGENT ALERT!). In fact, theirs was the first interracial kiss aired on TV. They did one take where the kiss was spectacular, but the producers were nervous about showing it, so they asked for more takes. William Shatner kept intentionally messing up so they’d have to use the good take, because William Shatner is cool that way, and totally aware that hotness knows no racial boundaries. Now it’s just taken for granted that someone as smokin’ as Zoe Saldana can get whoever she wants, be it white, black, purple, green, or alien.

So … back to the movie … again. It was awesome (as if you couldn’t have gotten that from the first paragraph, or the trailer, or the fact that it’s Star Trek and directed by J. J. Abrams), so it’s definitely a theatre movie. Good action, good lines, good comedy, good acting, good music. And to think, this is the guy who only likes Star Trek. Imagine what he’ll do with Star Wars.