The title is an homage to The Big Bang Theory, which I (and several of my friends) enjoy. Anyhow, the Doctor and I had intended to watch Death Race 2 this week, so last weekend I watched Death Race. “What?” you’re thinking to yourself. “You, of all people, have not seen Death Race?” No, I had not, until that point. It was on my list of movies to watch, but I just never got around to it. However, if I was going to be watching the sequel (it’s actually a prequel), I figured I had better watch it.
For whatever reason, Evan and I did not actually watch Death Race 2. So I watched it last night. I thought I’d review it first, seeing as how it comes first chronologically.
It stars Luke Goss as a getaway driver. He’s a cross between Paul Walker and Jason Statham, only a bit more talkative than the latter. It also has a bunch of other people you’ve never heard of. In fact, there are no celeb – holy crap, is that Sean Bean? Yes, yes it is. Oh my gosh, Ving Rhames, what are you doing here? And hey, it’s Danny Trejo … wow, you’ve gotten fat. It also has Robin Shou, whom you may recognize from the Mortal Kombat movies, and hopefully not from Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-li. Because I sincerely hope none of you have seen it. I viewed it as a public service to all my friends, so I can warn them away. See? I’m not just a mindless lout seeing movies. I’m a mindless lout seeing movies and making valuable contributions to a movie-going society.
Anyway, Luke Goss (who conveniently goes by the name Luke in the movie) gets caught after a bank robbery goes wrong. He doesn’t rat out his employer, who in return feels no loyalty towards his minions, and orders a hit on Luke in jail.
At the same time, a live news report during a riot in prison sparks huge ratings, and so the TV producer decides to air fights between prisoners. Weapons are sometimes available, including a mace and shield, an axe, and a flamethrower (in case the fights didn’t get fatal enough, I guess). After initial interest, the ratings start falling, so the producer (a former Miss
Unfortunately, Luke doesn’t do that too well. The first day, he wins the race, but the second day he ends up getting incinerated after one of the inmates took up Sean Bean’s offer of one million dollars to kill Luke. He survives with many second degree burns, but is officially listed as dead so he can take on the persona of Frankenstein, as well as getting that annoying hit off his head. Sean Bean is taken care of by the Triads, who owe Luke a favor after he saves one of them on the race course.
The movie ends with Frankenstein getting into his car and running over the producer. Which made me flinch, because any graphic male violence against females makes me very uncomfortable. You have to make the woman incredibly evil to make her end seem karmically fine. Otherwise it’s just a guy running down a girl. Squick.
The second movie starts an uncertain amount of time after that, but I want to take a break to talk about ratings. Any movie about entertainment will most likely involve ratings, be it TV shows, box office take for movies about movies, or records sold for music (these are important in real life too, not just in movies). Unfortunately, writers aren’t able to extrapolate without wild exaggeration. In Death Race 2, the prison riot had a television share of 48. Which means that 48% of every television on at that point was watching the riot. At one point during the race, it jumped over 70. Which means that part of the race was about as popular as the M.A.S.H. finale, made in 1983, while cable was in its nascent stage before it could dilute the ratings.
In the first Death Race, each day was streamed over the internet for $99, or $250 for all three days. They had 50 million subscribers, which I doubt would ever happen. The most watched video on Youtube right now is (I hate to say it) a Justin Bieber music video. It has over 450 million views. But it’s only 3 minutes long, and it’s FREE. There’s no way on earth that many people would pay $99 for three laps, unless there was mass inflation that was never mentioned (given how little the main character was paid while he was legitimate - $300 for two weeks work - I doubt that’s the case).
The problem is writers want to emphasize how incredibly popular their fictional products are, but it just doesn’t translate to real life. In 1998, the Truman Show was released, about a man who unwittingly lived in a reality show. Every fictional viewer was depicted as enthralled by the show. It was supposedly a worldwide phenomenon (despite the fact everyone cheered when he left and the show could no longer continue). The Real World was an actual TV show (it still is, as a matter of fact) made on TV, and followed a few people who lived (and mostly partied) together. It did not get the ratings of the fictional Truman Show. Reality TV really took off in the 2000’s, but still didn’t generate the ratings predicted by the Truman Show. It just points out that fictional concepts are never as popular in real life as they are in movies. So movie writers, stop being so damned proud of your fictional show! *ends rant*
Death Race starts with Jason Statham finishing up his last shift at a steel plant before it shuts down. He’s paid a pittance, leaves after the inevitable riot, and comes home only to be framed for his wife’s murder. He’s tossed in jail, where he meets the warden, played by … Joan Allen?!? What’s she doing here? Anyway, she pressures him to take on the guise of Frank(enstein), because he died but was incredibly popular. Since Frank always wore a mask, the ruse can work. Just win one more race, and he’ll have his freedom. Of course, Allen doesn’t want to lose such a popular racer, so she goes through many subterfuges to keep him there.
He also meets up with Frank’s chief rival, played by Tyrese Gibson, and his own pit crew, headed by Ian McShane. He also has a navigator, a woman brought in from their own prison (presumably to boost ratings. It worked). She’s not played by Megan Fox, so that’s a swing and a miss by the casting department.
Statham and Gibson eventually come to an understanding and escape during the final day of the race. Allen gets her just desserts when a bomb she planted on Frank’s car is returned to her via gift box. And Statham lives happily ever after in
These movies aren’t quite up to a Blu-ray rental. Maybe DVD rental quality if they’re cheap. I just found too many problems with the concept. There are too few laps, and too few racers. What happens if they all kill each other on the first day? No more subsequent subscriptions. Why bring out guard-driven vehicles to kill the prisoners even more? They’re doing a good enough job as it is. Why not have more cars and more laps, unless you’re afraid you’re diluting the products. Why not limit the amount of weapons available on pickup, to keep drivers trying to drive over them. Limit the time, or the amount of rounds.
On the other hand, the movies are action packed. Quick shots amplify the action, although they are pretty standard techniques. Half-second shot of a car drifting around a corner, quarter-second shot of a grimacing driver, quarter-second shot of a gearshift being rammed into a higher gear, maybe a shot of feet working pedals, back to the car racing through tunnels, close-up on the front, long-shot of a pursuer. I feel like I’ve seen them all from The Fast and the Furious, but the action keeps on coming, and they added guns. Lots of guns. And missiles. So that’s nice.
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