Mindless Movies 2011

When we first decided to see all the movies we usually miss, I circled one on my mental calendar: The Expendables. That was last year. This year is similar, although it happens earlier in the year. July 1^st, actually. It’s when Transformers: Dark of the Moon comes out (yes, it seems to have a silly name, but so did Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. So take that for what it’s worth). I’m a big fan of Transformers, so I can’t wait (but I must … sigh). Other movies come out too, and we’ve got some on our list of must see, and some are just on our radar. And some are on our list of “well, if there’s really nothing else that comes out.”

In January, we’ve got:

Season of the Witch – It’s already out, but I’m not sure we’ll see it. Hammy actors chewing scenery? Terrible reviews, but since when have they mattered?

The Green Hornet – Comic book movie? Funny, with action? Martial Arts? Yes please!

Ong Bak 3 – Evan hasn’t seen one or two yet, so I doubt we’ll see it. Well, I will, but I’m not sure it’ll be in the theatres.

The Mechanic – Jason Statham as a hitman. ‘Nuff said.

Ip Man 2 – Another martial arts sequel where Evan hasn’t seen the first one. I’ve actually seen this already, so I’m not sure we’ll see it. I want to spread it around, because it does shed light on the pervasiveness of racism against foreigners by colonial powers. How white people treated the Chinese was despicable, both as nations and person-to-person.

February has:

Sanctum – James Cameron trying to capture the Avatar magic by having it set on Earth and underwater. I will do my best to avoid it.

The Eagle – Seems like it could be a sequel-type-thing to Centurion. It’s listed as a drama in some place and action in others, so we’ll see.

Drive Angry 3D – It could be Faster 2.0, but I doubt it. Nicholas Cage must return from Hell to save his daughter from being sacrificed to demons. Iffy at best.

Justin Beiber Never Say Never – Hah! Just kidding.

Unknown – Liam Neeson has been replaced in his life, and must figure out what’s going on. If it’s anything like Taken, I’m on board.

I Am Number 4 – Science fiction (possibly action) about a teen with superpowers on the run from the government. Seems like a good idea to me.

Angle Mort – French thriller, so we’ll see if it comes to a threatre we go to normally.

Every March, there’s one big blockbuster that make a chunk of change, but isn’t really good. We’ve had 300, Clash of the Titans, and Watchmen. I’m not sure what this year’s film is, but here’s what we get to choose from:

The Adjustment Bureau – Yeah, right!

Battle: Los Angeles – More human/alien violence. I’m in!

Limitless – A guy gets his brain boosted. I’ll try and find out if there’s action in there, or if it’s only thriller.

Sucker Punch – Fantasy set in the imagination of a teen. The poster had a Lord of the Rings type setting … with Lasers!

April has:

Your Highness: A comedy set in the middle ages, I’ve heard it has action in it too. Seems like a spoof of medieval films.

Source Code: It might be good, it might not. Depending on how awesome the eight minutes that keep repeated are.

Haywire: The female Jason Bourne. Anytime you have to describe a film as “It’s like Movie, only with Difference” it’s probably not working out. Still, I’ll keep an eye on it.

May is the traditional start of the blockbuster season, and many people rejoice. Well, I do, and studio heads do. Not sure about critics, though. It consists of:

Thor – Wait, is that a Rene Russo sighting? I think she gets better with age.

Priest – It’s listed as horror, but the trailer we saw was pretty full of action. Maybe anything with vampires is listed as horror (after all, I’d run away from Twilight as fast as I could).

Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides – This time, it’s in 3D!

The Hangover 2 – I dunno. I might wait to see it on DVD.

Kung Fu Panda 2 – The first one had innovative martial arts, so I’m looking forward to this one. I don’t know if we’ll see it in theatres, though.

June brings us:

X-Men: First Class – We’ll see if this sullies the good name of the X-men as much as Last Stand and Origins: Wolverine did (although I liked both of them).

The Fast and the Furious Five – It’s definitely mindless enough. It also has Dwayne Johnson in it this time. Aw yeah!

The Green Lantern – I’m a fan of Ryan Renolds. He’s just funny.

Rise of the Apes – A prequel to Planet of the Apes. Only if we’re really, really bored.

July has:

Transformers: Dark of the Moon – Unicron? Hell. Yes.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – We didn’t see the first one. We probably won’t see this one.

Captain America – With Thor released earlier this year, they’re working on getting an Avengers movie after all the Avengers have their own. Plus, we’ll get Scarlett Johansson (Ironman 2) and Natalie Portman (Thor) in the same fictional universe. I’m not quite sure how the guys will get anything done.

Cowboys and Aliens – This movie could not be more Guy if they had named it after parts of the female anatomy.

August has … nothing. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m really hoping something pops up.

September has:

Colombiana – Few details, but I have a while to find out more.

Abduction – I’m not sure how many people will see this for the action, and how many will see it hoping to see Taylor Lautner’s abs (he’s the werewolf in the Twilight films).

October brings:

Real Steel: Robots that box. I’m wonder if a desperate writer saw “Rock’em Sock’em Robots” and wrote a movie about it.

The Three Musketeers – I’m always up for a good swordfight.

November has:

Immortals – More sword fighting in ancient Greece. Sure, why not.

December doesn’t have anything yet.

The months later in the year don’t have a lot of movies yet, but there’s a lot of time for the following movies to be placed somewhere in there. They don’t have a released date yet.

Red Dawn – A remake of the 80’s classic. Wolverines!

Super 8 – It’s from JJ Abrams. That’s all we know. We had a discussion about whether it’ll involve the hotel or the film type.

Red Sonja – It’s listed as horror, but I’m wondering if it’s a remake, prequel, or sequel to the 80’s atrocity that was headline by Schwarzenegger, only he only put in an extended cameo. His star-power had just exploded from Terminator, so producers put him all over the posters. Liars.

Anyway, I’m sure that more movies I haven’t heard about will be slotted into our list. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments. I think the only problem is that there are some terrific video games coming out as well, so I'll have to figure out a way to split my time and money between movies and games. Frankly, it's a problem I like to have.