Return of the Jedi

This past weekend, I took the time to watch Return of the Jedi. Mind you, I also played Skyrim and World of Warcraft, so it's not like I was taking time away from curing cancer or watching progress bars go by (I put in a lot of overtime at work, most of which consisted of watching progress bars go by in preparation for a software upgrade). Anyway, to end a tangent, Return of the Jedi was watched and thoroughly enjoyed, as always.

Does anyone else get irrationally excited about the opening crawl? Am I the only one who still feels like a little kid, even after seeing various opening crawls at least dozens of times? At least this one is more accurate than The Empire Strikes Back. No mentions of Luke leading anything, except a rescue of Han Solo, and Darth Vader isn't doing anything stupid. He is, in fact, doing something fairly smart - looking for his son.

Anyway, the shot pans down from the stars to rest on the forest moon of Endor (is there a desert moon? An aquatic moon? a volcanic moon? Do equally adorable native teddy bears live on those ones?) and the latest Death Star (still under construction). Then a Star Destroyer flies overhead and a shuttle emerges from it's hangar. Just so you know, none of the movies actually open with a shot of a Star Destroyer. A New Hope has a corellian corvette first, then the star destroyer. This one has the uncompleted death star, then the star destroyer. Secondly, why isn't Vader on the Executor? It's his personal flagship, he should be taking it wherever he goes.

Anyway, he lands on the Death Star and meets up with Jerjerrod, who subtly complains about the schedule (something I am intimately familiar with, as working in an engineering office means I'm surrounded by people who constantly complain about schedules). Vader suggest he take it up personally with the Emperor, who'll be arriving shortly. I suggest not taking so many people away from their jobs to greet visiting VIP's, but they didn't hear me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

We wipe-cut to Tatooine, where C-3P0 and R2-D2 are about to unwittingly infiltrate Jabba's palace. Jabba has Han Solo in Carbonite ("Just like I ordered on E-bay. I would order from the seller again, especially if they sell the 'Chewbacca' variety.") and the droids are step one in the plan.

Step two is a bounty hunter named Boushh coming in with Chewbacca in custody. Jabba and Boushh get in some tense negotiations about the payment under threat of thermal detonation (Boushh gets a lot of bang for the buck. He's really explosive at the negotiations table. Anything could set him off. Okay, I'm done).

Late at night, after what TVTropes calls a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment (the song and dance show. What the hell was that about?) Boushh sneaks into the room where Han's being kept (he just hangs around. He's cold until you get to know him, but he's a hard man to know. Okay, now I'm done) and presses some buttons on the side of the carbonite slab. Han glows red and starts thawing out. Once he's free, he collapses to the floor.

I like was Lucas did here. Han could've popped out of hibernation and been fine, but they gave him a whole bunch of symptoms. He's wet and shivering, his voice is shaking, and he's blind. Harrison Ford plays it really well. He's hunched over and sort of withdrawn into himself.

Anyway, the quiet night was all a ruse by Jabba just to see if someone would try to rescue Han, and Jabba was right. Boushh takes off his helmet to reveal himself as Leia, and now I have to use female pronouns. Anyway, Jabba's awake and watching the touching reunion, and then breaks the bad news that they're still prisoners, and Leia will have to wear the infamous gold bikini, spawner of geek fantasies.

Part two of the plan didn't go so well, so part three is put into action. Luke himself enters the palace, and uses Jedi mind tricks to get an audience. Jabba has enough of that, and tosses him down into the Rancor's pit. Luke uses cool nerves and quick thinking to defeat it, and its trainers cry. Who decided that fat men crying was going to be funny? It's totally a double standard with beautiful women, but I realize that double standards are pretty common in movies, so I shouldn't get too hung up on it.

Anyway, Jabba gets really angry and decides to throw the whole lot of them into the Sarlacc, which is a giant, disgusting mouth in the sand. It comes with tentacles and a beak to grab passers by pull them into its gullet, where they'll "find a new definition of pain and suffering as [they're] slowly digested over a thousand years."

They go out to the great mouth in the sand, and Luke goes all hero on ... well, pretty much everybody. Lando (undercover as a guard) snags control of the skiff they're on, but gets thrown off when it's fired on by a cannon on the main sail barge. Leia strangles Jabba (that bikini didn't hide much, but apparently it hid a lot of muscles), and then Luke jumps onto the barge to kill it. He fires the cannon into the deck, then swings onto the captured skiff with Leia. Han had pulled Lando up, so they all fly away as the sail barge explodes behind them. In real life, that explosion likely would have killed them. Mind you, in real life, that explosion probably wouldn't have taken place. Anyway, they leave Tatooine behind and Han thanks Luke.

While the Millennium Falcon goes to rendezvous with the Alliance Fleet, Luke goes back to Dagobah to finish his training. But Yoda's dying, and Luke doesn't need any more training anyhow. To become a full Jedi knight, though, he must confront Vader. Yoda tells him he has another relative just before passing away.

Before departing, Vision-Obi Wan comes along. Luke blatantly asks him why he didn't tell Luke about his parentage, and Obi Wan says his point of view thing. But it's pretty much just Obi Wan lying (or George Lucas not thinking about sequels when he did Star Wars). Anyway, Luke realizes that Leia is his sister ("wait, the only girl I’ve kissed onscreen?" Ew!), and Obi Wan convinces him to face Vader.

But that would be playing into the Emperor's plans. He's foreseen that Luke will come to Vader, and then together they'll be able to break Luke and lure him to the dark side, just like his father. We'll see how that goes. He's also on the Death Star, and instructing Vader about fleet deployment.

Luke meets up with the rest of the alliance in the middle of a briefing about the attack on the Death Star. It's protected by a shield being projected from the forest moon of Endor, so a team will have to blow up the facility there (led by Han), while the fleet attacks the Death Star once its shields are down (led by Lando in the Millennium Falcon). Luke, Leia, and Chewbacca volunteer to help fly the shuttle that deposit the strike team on the forest moon of Endor. I'm not sure why they're needed, because it looks like flying the shuttle is a one person job (which Chewie mostly handles while Han nags at him).

Vader senses Luke is on the shuttle, but lets it land so he won’t be killed (or something like that). They trek through the forest, but stumble on some imperial scouts, and a speeder-bike chase breaks out. Luke and Leia take off after two and manage to take one out after Luke jumps on the back of it. Two more scouts join in, so Luke peels off to deal with them while Leia stays on the tail of the first one.

All three scouts get killed before they can report back to base (so the Imperials won’t know the rebels are there), but when Luke meets back up with Han and the strike team, Leia’s not there. In fact, she’s met the indigenous folk – Ewoks. Together, they manage to take down two more imperial scouts, so Wicket (the Ewok) takes her back to his village.

When the rest of the team goes looking for her, they get caught in an Ewok trap that Chewie sets off (whoops). They all get taken prisoner, except for C-3P0, who’s regarded as a diety. The rest of the team is supposed to be sacrificed for a feast in the droid's favour, but Luke uses the Force to convince the Ewoks that would be a bad idea.

They’re set free, and Threepio uses his story telling facilities to tell the tribe about the rebels plight. I thought this would take forever, but apparently Threepio’s a bit more succinct with history than when he’s introducing himself (“Hello! I am C-3P0, Human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over six million forms of communications! If you-” *Thump*) so they get through it in an evening, complete with fairly realistic sound effects (Darth Vader breathing, lightsaber fighting, AT-AT’s walking). The tribe adopts them, and agrees to show them a path to the bunker.

Luke and Leia have a tender moment outside the hut. He tells her they’re siblings, and he has to confront Darth Vader, to try to turn him away from the Dark Side. He goes off just as Han comes out. He and Leia have a tender moment too (well, for them).

The next morning, things go well. The Ewoks show them to the backdoor of the bunker, and the rebels manage to break in and start planting charges. However, right as the Emperor is telling Luke he knows all about the rebel plans, the strike team is ambushed and captured by a legion of Imperial forces. To top it off, the rebel fleet has flown in, only to discover the trap. Zounds!

Luke is in the Emperor’s throne room, being taunted about the failure of the fleet and the strike team. The strike team is in the hands of the imperials. The rebel fleet is fighting for its life against a host of Imperial ships. Things look bleak, until the Ewoks decide that now is the time to enter the fray.

C-3P0 and R2-D2 provide a nice distraction, and soon all the imperials are besieged under sentient furballs. And the tactics are generally alright. Separate out the imperials and overwhelm them with numbers. Yeah, some of it’s a bit silly, and the imperials seems to be out of the fight whenever they get knocked over. But it’s mostly alright.

Han and Leia use the distraction to pick off imperials and try to get back into the bunker, but things go badly when Artoo gets shot and shorts out.

Things in space are a bit worse. Without the shield down, there’s not a whole lot the rebel fleet can do, and the Death Star has just proven it’s not so helpless by firing its planet-smashing laser. Ouch.

Luke’s had enough and grabs his lightsaber, but Vader’s there to stop him from killing the Emperor, who just laughs. And I can see why. He’s taunting Luke, trying to drive him to the dark side, but I also think he’s relishing the thought of driving Darth Vader into hurting or killing his son. It would push him further to the dark side and solidify the hold Palpatine has over him.

The duel goes on for some time, but Vader eventually pushes Luke’s buttons when he reaches into his son’s mind and pulls out images of Leia. He has a daughter too? Maybe he can turn her as well. Luke is furious at the thought of the Emperor getting his hands on Leia, and savagely beats back Vader, eventually cutting off his hand. However, the artificial limb reminds him of what he lost as well (or perhaps that he and his father are alike) and he deactivates and throws his lightsaber away. He faces the Emperor and refuses to give into the dark side.

On the moon, things are well in hand for the rebels after Chewie captures an AT-ST (chicken walker) and blows the snot out of most of the other imperials. Han uses the walker to get into the bunker, and this time they manage to blow it up without any ambushes.

The shields go down, and the fighters make a beeline for the Death Star. Unlike the previous version, this time they’ll actually have to fly into its centre and pop it from the inside. Lando, Wedge, Tycho, and a few other pilots make the run, eventually splitting up to try to draw their opponents away from their true target. Lando and Wedge continue on to the middle of the massive installation, flying through increasingly small passageways. Eventually it opens up to the cavernous heart, housing a power regulator that can bring the whole thing down. Lasers and proton torpedoes fly, and the power regulator is no more. Now to outrace the fireball on the way out. Wedge and Lando make it, but the TIE fighters chasing them do not.

Meanwhile, the Emperor finally realizes he’ll never turn Luke, and so he’ll have to kill him. He decides to do it in the most painful manner possible, and pumps Luke full of electricity from his hands. Nowadays, that’s standard stuff. But back in 1983, when no on had seen it before? Suddenly we realize that Palpatine is a Dark Jedi too. And we realize how powerful dark Jedi can be. Holy Crap that must have been awesome!

Luke begs his father for help, and Vader is torn. He’s obeyed his master for so long. But his son … his son still believes in him, still feels the good in him, even if he himself does not. His son’s love matters more than obedience, and so he picks up his master (sustaining mortal injuries) and hurls him into the depths of the station.

Together, father and son stagger to their shuttle (wait, did none of the imperials notice the second-in-command of their entire Empire was nearly dying? And he was hanging out with the guy on all the “Wanted” posters all over the place? I guess not). Vader has redeemed himself, and is now Anakin. He wishes to see Luke without his mask, with his very own two eyes, before he dies. Luke helps him take off his mask and prison for so many years, and Anakin smiles gently and tells Luke to tell Leia that he was right about their father. Listen for the incredibly quiet imperial march going on in the background. Adds so much to the scene for so little music.

Anyway, Luke drags his father’s body aboard the shuttle and pilots it away from the exploding Death Star. Once back on the Forest Moon, he places it on a bier and burns it, the remnant suit of a man no longer constrained by it. Luke may have finished the symbol, but it was Anakin who defeated Darth Vader.

Well, enough about philosophy and other deep stuff. Luke rejoins the others as the Ewoks host a party with some of the best music in the trilogy. He sees a vision of Obi Wan, Yoda, and a much younger Anakin, smiling as they’re finally at peace, and we get scenes of celebration from across the galaxy before the credits roll.

For my money, this is the best Star Wars. Sure, people don’t like the Ewoks, but I do. It might be that people also go for darker endings, whereas I’m a sucker for happy ones. Also, (excepting the prequels), this one has far more action than the other ones. At the end, it has a ground fight, a space battle, and a lightsaber duel all going at once. And sure, there’s the big space in the middle where the only action is the speeder bike chase, but it’s not so bad, especially with Han Solo around cracking jokes.

And with that, I’m fully ready to play Star Wars: The Old Republic. If only BioWare would agree with me and let me have early access already.