Cowboys & Aliens

I was all set to write about the 'Riders game this past Saturday, win or lose (they lost). I could even have included a movie connection, since we watched a Japanese movie called Returner that had a lot of potential but not much realization. I watched the game with Evan (a former football player) and James (a current football player), and so I could have included all sorts of insights I wouldn't have had watching it by myself.

But then I got to playing Fallout 3, and that was that.

So instead, I'll just write about Cowboys & Aliens. We took Nadia along with us, because she's apparently the only one who's noticed that Evan and I go to see movie every week, and have been doing so for about the past year (way to clue in, guys). Anyway, Evan won the preview game 2-1 for Ghost Protocol and one more I can't remember. I got Moneyball, and there was a horror preview (the ironically named Don't be Afraid of the Dark) that neither of us got.

Then the movie took my lead and started playing Fallout 3. No wait, sorry. It just looked incredibly similar to Fallout 3. Daniel Craig (Jake) wakes up with no memories at all, just like a player in most video games. He's immediately beset by some thugs, whom he quickly kills, just like in a lot of games. And then he loots their bodies, just like a good RPG player. He even has a nifty gadget on his wrist. In the Fallout universe they're called Pip-Boys, and they're basically the in-game menu for equipping items, eating food, keeping track of quests and what-not. Daniel Craig's has a holographic heads up display, and a pretty awesome energy weapon. Also, similar to the Fallout universe, he spends a good bit of time wandering around a desert wasteland. Right now I’m in the middle of Fallout: New Vegas, doing exactly the same thing. The characters even talk the same way, and some had the same drawl.

Anyway, Jake moseys on over to the nearby town of Absolution. He can't remember anything ("What do you remember?" he's asked at one point. "English."), but gets fixed up for a mysterious abdominal wound anyway and then goes outside. There, a young man named Percy is shooting random stuff. His dad's the most powerful man in the region, so Percy can do pretty much whatever he wants. Jake steps in, though, because Daniel Craig's a tough guy who doesn't take any guff from anyone, and both he Percy end up in jail.

At night, Harrison Ford (Dollarhyde - Percy's pa) comes to free his son, while the sheriff gets ready to ship both Percy and Jake off to the Federal Marshals. The aliens choose that moment to show up, and everything goes to hell. A lot of people get lassoed by the flying alien ships, and they tend to strafe a lot of building (just for poops and giggles, I guess). Jake's new wrist accessory lights up and does its thing, and an alien ship crashes to the ground. He and Dollarhyde investigate the wreckage together, and discover tracks leading out of town after an alien is hurt.

The next morning, a posse forms of pretty much every character we've met so far, and they ride out in the direction the tracks take. Jake goes to visit a house he's having glimpses of memories of, then rejoins the posse. The tracks get washed away by a rainstorm, so they take refuge in an overturned ferry. It's miles away from any river that would carry it, and it's upside-down to boot.

That night, the alien shows up and kills one of the supporting cast. The posse disintegrates. All the extras flee, while speaking characters stick around (well, all those that haven't been captured by aliens, at least). They continue on.

They come across a band of outlaws, and Jake's past is partially explained. Then the aliens attack, and Olivia Wilde's past is partially explained. Then they go after the aliens, and Dollarhyde's past is partially explained. There's a lot of character backstories explained either before or after the action scenes.

Anyway, I can't really tell more of the plot or characters without a bunch of spoilers, so I'll just tell you some other things instead. A few people die, and they all seems to have those dying words moments ("Master Yoda, You can't Die.”) conversations, where they say good-bye, or charge someone with some task they must complete, or tell their relative to be strong, or whatever. It happened at least three times, and I bet I'm forgetting some.

The music's adequate, but I expected more out of Harry Gregson-Williams. To be honest, the speakers were a little fuzzy for half the movie, but that's more of the theatre's fault than the movie's.

The drawl was iffy at best. And some of the language sounded off. But those are probably because I really liked the lines in Firefly more. They just had a sense of authenticity, which I know is weird from a show set far in the future in a different solar system. Whatever. There just weren’t enough “Iffins” or “Reckons” in here for me, like “Iffin you got sumthin’ to say, I reckon I won’ like it.”

I saw a lot of Indiana Jones and Han Solo in Dollarhyde. It's also nice that he can still run like the Harrison Ford of old. Or at least they got a convincing body double. Sylvester Stallone looked like a tangled marionette in The Expendables, so it's nice to see older people still looking like people.

I'm not convinced this is a theatre movie. There are a few jokes, but it's more serious than a movie called Cowboys & Aliens should be. There are only three real action set pieces, although it is fun to see Daniel Craig get to punch people out all the time. Still, I think it's only a Blu-Ray movie. Nadia says there should be more shirtless scenes. Maybe that would have pushed it up a level.