Tower Heist

The above video is “Hold On, I’m coming.” A few months ago, I had it in my head, and had absolutely no idea how it got there. I knew it was from a heist or con movie of some sort, so I checked the soundtrack to all three Ocean’s movies, but no luck. Finally, I connected it to the pilot of White Collar. Anyway, it’s the best song to put over a montage of heists or cons, so I figured you could listen to it while reading about Tower Heist.

That’s the movie Evan and I went to see this week. We dragged Mel along with us (technically, she volunteered, but I’m not sure this movie was worth her time. My time? Oh yes). I won the preview game this week, thanks to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Evan didn’t know that was the name of the movie, so when I called it ten seconds into the preview, he just thought I was being a dick about a 9-11 movie. Thanks a lot, Evan. He got The Avengers, I got Haywire and a few others I can’t remember. There were a lot more action previews than I would have thought for a movie like Tower Heist.

Anyway, the movie opens with two studio logos (Relativity Media didn’t get a logo, can you believe it?) and then starts in on the ordinary day of Ben Stiller and Alan Alda. Stiller is the day manager of The Tower (I think. He’s the one in charge of all the staff, but he also has a superior that’s not the owner. Maybe his boss is the general manager, and can trade the doorman for a first-round draft pick and two prospects to be named later – he’s a really good doorman). Alan Alda owns the building and starts his day by swimming on the pool on the roof, which is inlaid with a giant $100 bill pattern. Anyway, they play online chess against each other, and have a closer relationship than typical employer-employees, but that might just be because Stiller is very competent at his job. The day goes for about 20 minutes, and it shows him putting out fires, dealing with all kinds of problems, and impressing upon the new guy the importance of not bringing his cell phone to work.

The next day, things start to go wrong. Alda is seen speeding off in a van. Stiller gives chase, thinking it’s a kidnapping and he'll heroically save his boss. Instead, he’s tackled by the FBI (Téa Leoni), who arrest Alda for securities fraud and what-not. Basically, he’s a movie stand-in for Bernie Madoff.

Stiller gathers the staff together afterwards and explains that people are innocent until proven guilty. He also admits that he asked Alda to invest their pensions, and that it may be gone. They’ll have to be patient until it all gets sorted out.

That evening, Lester (a doorman who had given Alda everything to invest and now has nothing) tries to commit suicide. Stiller confronts Alda about why he would take someone’s meager savings so late (it was just to keep up appearances) and comes to realize what sort of person Alda is. He smashes Alda’s prized possession (an old Ferrari once owned by Steve McQueen) and promptly gets fired, along with the two other staff members who came with him.

He’s now determined to make Alda pay, and to recoup the money for all the staff. He tries to hand over evidence to the FBI, but they already have everything he can get his hands on. He ends up getting drunk with Leoni, who admits that Alda must have a safety net in cash somewhere hidden. Stiller vows to steal it.

To that end, he bails Eddie Murphy out of jail, an acquaintance whom he now avoids. Murphy teaches him and his gang how to be thieves, and eventually they bring in another staff member to help them crack the safe Stiller’s convince is hidden in a wall in the penthouse suite. There’s only one problem – Alda’s in house arrest in the penthouse suite, with two FBI agents guarding him at all time.

So the movie goes from there. The heist doesn’t go quite right, and some people flip loyalties, and more problems develop. Stiller’s character can actually think quite quickly on his feet, so maybe he should’ve turned to a life of crime rather than become an apartment concierge.

The movie takes a lot of time to set everything up, and to execute the heist. I guess that’s alright, because they don’t really have a lot of other things to pad the movie with. But it does make the movie seem to drag in places.

There aren’t a lot of incredibly hilarious moments, but I thought it was pretty consistent with chuckles. There are some absurd moments, and there were a few people in the theatre who were clearly having the time of their lives. So maybe it’s who you watch it with that counts.

I’m not quite sure how Eddie Murphy got to be a huge star, if what he did in the movie is classic Eddie Murphy stuff. He’s like Chris Tucker, only with a less annoying voice. Maybe they should pair him up with Jet Li for a wacky buddy comedy (hey, Brett Ratner has experience with this sort of thing).

We compared it to the Ocean’s movies (as a lot of people are wont to do), and it wasn’t as good. Mind you, it’s hard to stand up the collective charisma of the Ocean’s cast. So Tower Heist did the best it could, and was mildly funny throughout. The music wasn’t great, and the romance was tacked on so hard that the script writers probably hurt. All in all, a DVD movie. And now you all can go watch White Collar.