Fears and Films

This post will be a bit more personal, because I was on vacation, and didn't see a movie, or have a lot of time to stew about a topic. And yes, I know that I missed out on naming this column Fears and Loathing in Las Vegas, but that probably would've been false advertising, and I must confess I'm not as up on Hunter S. Thompson as I should be.

I like taking off in planes. Flying is fine, and I'm not a fan of all the preparatory work involved in travelling, but taking off is cool. Pressed into your seat, lifting into the sky on mighty wings and plumes of fire, defying the forces of the very universe itself. And other poetic phrases. I enjoy it.

Other people don't. I met a lady on the bus a number of weeks ago whose daughter was getting married in the Bahamas. This would seem like a tremendous occasion, except the lady had to fly there, and she was scared of flying. It's not an uncommon thing to be scared of flying. She told me "I guess I'll have to trust the sky." I told her I had taken an introduction to aerospace engineering course in university, and there are some excellent reasons from physics and fluid dynamics why the plane stays up, regardless of what gravity has to say. "You don't have to trust the sky. Just the science." She told me that made her feel better, so I hope I felt.

Anyway, because a fear of flying is so common, it shows up in pop culture as well. One case is that of Marge Simpson, who had it in an episode called "Fear of Flying" (Duh). Homer gets kicked out of his regular bar for playing a practical joke on Moe. In his quest to discover a new bar, he comes across a parody of Cheers and a Lesbian Bar (he doesn't notice). Finally, he gets to an airport bar, where he's mistaken for a pilot and put in charge of a flight to Chicago (because it's the Simpsons. Duh). He crashes while at a complete stop (don't think that doesn't take talent), and in recompense for the stupid mistake the airline played, they give the family free tickets to a someplace far away. Before they can take off, Marge freaks out due to her titular condition. She goes to a shrink to sort it all out, and it turns out her fear is due to her seeing her father working as a flight attendant, back when they were pretty much all stewardesses. Then some other memories surfaces, like that time she was poked in the eye while her mother tried to feed her via "hear comes the airplane" when she was a baby. And that time she was strafed, a la North by Northwest. (Wow, what repressed memories could my brain manufacture?) Anyway, she gets better, and the family is able to make a trip after all.

The other fear of flying reference that comes to mind is that of John McClane (Link NSFW). He's scared of flying, so his seat neighbour tells him, when he lands, to take off his shoes and socks, find a nice carpet, and make fists with his toes. Sounds like a good idea, regardless of irrational fears or not. He does so, and this leads to the situation where he has to fight terrorists barefoot, and winds up in a gruesome scene where he's picking shards of glass out of the bottom of his feet. See why I keep shoes on all the time? In case I need to fight terrorists.

Of course, adding fears to heroes beyond the usual 'Pain & Death' humanizes them a little bit. Other wise they'd just be superheroes, with no emotions beyond 'Whooo! I just killed a guy!' So we get Indiana Jones' fear of snakes, which he got after falling into a snake pit during a fight, and then having them crawl all over his body for the rest of the fight. Mind you, he got his trademark whip and fedora out of the deal, so while I'm sure he didn't enjoy it too much, we certainly did.

Irrational fears show up in real life too. For instance, I hate driving. Maybe not with a passion, but it's getting close. I hate yellow lights the worst, because I'm never sure if I should speed up or slow down. And so I hate green lights, because I don't know when they might turn yellow. You can usually tell by how many 'Don't Walk' flashes there are for pedestrians, but sometimes that Don't Walk just stays there, not flashing, while the light stays green. I hate driving in snow, because it's slippery. I hate driving in rain, because of visibility issues, and because excess water may cause hydroplaning. I actually like red lights and stop signs, because then I can come to a complete and total stop. Mind you, if there's too much snow, that might be hard to do, but I'll fault the snow for that, not the stop signs. I hate merging, because I'm never sure if cars will leave me enough room, and if I'll be able to stop in time if they don't. I hate passing on two-lane highways because I'm paranoid I'll crash into a car coming the other way. I hate passing semis, even on four lane roads, because I got into an accident trying to do that. I hate going fast, because I'm scared something will go wrong with my car and I'll go careening through traffic, like an artificial comet, weighing over a ton and causing untold damage. I hate hills, because I'm never sure if there'll be enough space to stop at the bottom, particularly if it's snowy out. Basically, I hate every single aspect of driving. Mind you, the only thing I hate more than driving is being a passenger.