Robin Hood

Evan and I didn't see this together (I saw it with Amy and Eyk), but he says we need to count it, if only to have something to bring up the rear. And bring up the rear it does. I didn't hate it. Almost, but not quite. Evan described is two hours of setup for a sequel. I wouldn't mind so much, except the movie didn't make enough money for a sequel to be feasible. Which means I want Ridley Scott to give me two hours of my life back.

It's basically two hours of nothing, and then some generic action. And I mean that in the worst way. Sure, there are some cool things. Near the beginning, they storm a castle by running up the portcullis and hanging bags of oil on it, then shooting flaming arrows at it. An inventive way of opening the door. But that's about it. After that, it gets into riding around a lot, while showing off some bland scenery, and a bit of historical inaccuracy (Robin Hood invented the Magna Carta? Really?) before finally settling on fending off the French in a doubly-poorly executed strategy (I say doubly because the French invasion was poorly done, and the English defence was poorly done. It's like none of the sides had planned a battle before. Just awful). There's also a small skirmish where Robin and his men rescue the village of Nottingham from bad people, before they ride out to defend their shores, using shots blatantly ripped off ("It's an homage, really") from Lord of the Rings. I kept expecting them to encounter Frodo along the English Countryside and offer to ride with him into Mordor (after all, "One does not simply walk into Mordor" ... Sorry, Boromir, but one can and one does. You got served - by Hobbits, no less). The climax has wide shots of extras swinging their swords at each other, interspersed with Russell Crowe swinging his sword at someone paid a lot less than him.

All in all, disappointing. Don't see it. Guys, the action is bland and Galadriel - sorry, Maid Marion - just isn't that hot. Girls, Russell Crowe is dirty and fat. Get over it.