The Last Airbender

There are two types of bad movies. Some are empty bad movies, like Robin Hood. They’re bad, and they’re empty. There’s nothing there. It’s so generically bad. It’s almost like an apathetic teenager. They don’t get in trouble for acting out – they get in trouble for not doing anything.

The other type of bad movie is full. It’s the type of movie they used to feature on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. They’re gleefully awful. To continue the person analogy, they’re like reality TV show stars. They’ll do anything for money, and they’re so easy to mock. The Last Airbender is this type of movie. There are so many things wrong with it that I want to watch it with other people and mock it to death.

Don’t watch it alone. It will suck out your soul. It’s that awful. Watch it in a group, and tear it to pieces. It’s fun!

First, though, I should probably start with what the movie does right. It’s a short list.

1) The special effects. The four basic elements get played around with a lot, so water gushes and flows into tentacles that can entrap people, fire zips around and knocks people over, air swirls into whirlwinds and sweeps people of their feet, and earth … earth gets the shaft, actually. Playing with Earth mainly means telekinetically throwing rocks at people, which can be very useful, but doesn’t look as cool as a jail made from ice spikes.

2) The plot. Or at least, the basic plot elements. It takes the general story of someone who’s told they’re the saviour, refusing the responsibility, having a few misadventures, and then accepting their status and saving the world. It works well (see: Star Wars, The Matrix), even in terrible movies like this one.

3) The 3D effect lend an air of surrealism to the vision sequences and add to the believability that they’re taking place on a different plane of existence. Having things a little blurry is nice for visions. Having things blurry in 3D visions helps to take us into the vision.

4) There are moments of acting and some lines of dialogue that don’t fall flat. They’re few and far between, but they’re there (if you look carefully).

5) The main character fights with a staff that can unfold into a handheld hang glider. It’s pretty sweet.

What was wrong with the movie? It probably starts at the top, with M. Night Shyamalan. As Evan said when his name came up during the credits: “Stop making movies!” His dialogue is terrible (he wrote the script. The only reason the plot is decent is it’s based on the plot of the first season of the show), and he doesn’t try to get anything more than wooden performances out of the actors.

Which is the second problem. I don’t mind an understated actor. I’d prefer one to someone who chews the scenery, actually. But these actors aren’t just wooden, it's like they're just saying lines. At least their eyes don’t move when the read the cue cards.

I think the problem is that Aang (the lead) was probably cast for his martial arts prowess, and then they crossed their fingers and hoped he could act. He can’t. Maybe he’ll improve, maybe not. Casting someone who’s known for something besides acting can work (see: Will Smith, Beyonce Knowles), but it can often backfire (every model Luc Besson casts in his movies, except for Milla Jovovich. She can act, of a sort, but does it really matter? Milla Jovovich). So his performance is unusually bad, especially when he’s called on to show emotion. Hey Shyamalan? You can’t add in emotion afterwards like 3D.

The 3D is hit and miss. It was added in post-production, and it shows. Some scenes are only in 2D, and they’re fine. If the entire movie had been done that way, it would have been fine. Some 3D scenes actually work. It even adds to the vision scenes. But sometimes the 3D is just wrong. It’ll have one character in focus, and the wall behind them will be fuzzy (like it would be in real life), except that it’s the same fuzzy across the entire wall, instead of getting fuzzier the farther away from the focus it gets. It’s just not how the eye perceives the world. There are other times when some of the characters seem to have a bit of a shimmering outline. It reminded me of the scene in Return of the Jedi where Luke’s fighting the Rancor. On the old copies (VHS), Luke has a visible black outline, denoting where they cut around him on the blue screen. For some people it’s not a big deal, but for others it really breaks the willing suspension of disbelief.

There are some martial arts scenes in 3D, but I’m not sure that the eye can change focus quickly enough to follow the movements as they change depth. So martial arts might get worse (or at least less comprehensible) as 3D is introduced more widely. I’m not sure, though. It’d be nice to see a kung-fu movie in 3D, just to show if it’s possible.

And there are some atrocious shots as well. One particularly abysmal shot has a conversation showing two sides. One of them is 2D, and the other is 3D. The 3D shot shows Aang’s face taking up about 80% of the screen. It was so terrible I thought Fathead was going to sue.

Their main method of transportation is an animal that looks like a cross between a giant inflatable six-legged cat and Falkor. Riding around on an animal? Old school. Riding around on a silly animal? Not cool.

Some people in each elemental nation have the ability to use that element. Such a person is called a ‘Bender.’ With the resurrection of Futurama, I was dying to hear a “Bite my shiny metal ass!” Alas, like many other things in this movie, an opportunity missed.

This is a movie to avoid at all costs … unless you want to tear it to shreds with friends. That could be fun. It’s like the new millennium’s version of Plan 9 from Outer Space, or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes from Mars. Some people might not like that, though. Evan was physically affected by the enormous suckitude of the movie. I thought he was being tortured, he was squirming so much.

In the end, it seemed like he made it for his kids (he watched the show with his kids). I’ve got nothing against doing stuff with & for your kids. In fact, labours of love for children are to be applauded. The only thing is that the movie is rated PG. Which means his kids should be 13 before they see it. And by the time they’re that old, they’ll realize their father makes really bad movies. So that’ll be awkward. Just like this movie.